When you write essays as a habit, you find yourself going over the same topic again and again and again. It's sometimes quite nauseating. If the writing is prompted by problems out in the world - and in yourself - it's also exhausting. You are constantly facing down the opposition party in your mind - the representatives of prejudice and misconception or whatever it is you feel you must rail against. And you face them down with nothing but words on a screen, and words, often, that no one but you will see. It feels futile.

It's like being caught in a boxing ring in front of all the arrayed cameras, only you have no skill at boxing. You are modestly armed with an expensive toothbrush. If you land any blows, the footage will be deleted. And there is no crowd. They are a laugh track played backwards and further modified to sound like screams of disapproval whatever you do. That's approximately what it feels like to write. Yet some people just keep going, keep writing, and after a while, they'll have some versions of their thoughts that they feel might stand up to outside attention and turn a mind or two in a newer, better direction.