When people want to disapprove of an activity, one common strategy is to make a big show of NOT understanding it.

I've never found this very useful.

By proving to someone that you don't understand their motives/feelings/actions/words/beliefs/thoughts, pretty much all you're doing is saying, "Hey, I'm really stupid, you should listen to me." They make sense to themselves. If you can't figure that out, it makes you look dim. (Dim at best, and hypocritical at worst.)

???

Ok, I understand that you do not want to give the appearance of condoning or excusing what is not actually acceptable or tolerable.

There are other, better ways to go about this, though.

Also, and against what I just said, I will acknowledge that there MAY be situations in which a show of NOT understanding IS effective.

However, I haven't seen much evidence of this myself, nor does anyone seem interested in pointing to such evidence, nor does this approach align with my understanding of human minds from life experience with family abuse, a degree in psychology, and many years of teaching one-on-one.

I have seen things work, and well. But acting willfully ignorant by NOT understanding is not something that seems to work, in my experience. It increases bitterness all around and solves nothing.

If you believe that a show of NOT understanding is effective, show me the evidence, and explain where/when it might be effective, and more effective than any alternatives.

I'm open to this, but I just don't see it approached with any objectivity. I see a cultural, perhaps evolutionary bias in the direction of dehumanizing those we wish to scold.

Unless you have a good, evidence-based argument for that, count me out of it.

I think my methods are far better.

Which is a blunt way of saying what I've been saying different ways for many years.