To my mind this is one of the subtle markers of masculinity. Anyone can get unempathetic sometimes. Anger itself is partly a mood whose purpose is to cut down a lot of your empathy and fear. And who has never been angry?
But I've noticed that when most women get less empathetic, there's usually more resentment and more recoil about it. They really want you to know - with or without saying directly - that they are no longer empathizing with you. They want to be scathing.
With guys, the tendency is for less empathy to be much more casual. (Maybe. Hear me out. I accept this could be all my imaginings.)
If you're mistreating me so that I have to change the situation, I will change the situation. This may well involve (at least temporarily) reducing how much I'm considering / dwelling on your feelings.
What you generally will not see from me, though, is this big resentment or anger or vindictiveness that you made me get less empathetic.
No, I'll just deal with the situation as well as I can.
It's normal for me to empathize, and it's normal for me not to (much).
I don't use it as a big reward or a big punishment. It's more like driving a car or steering a sailboat (or what I imagine that to be like). It's pragmatic.
I won't rage against how horrible Bin Laden is. I see a human being who's messed up. If I had a sniper rifle with a bead on him, and he were getting away, I'd pull the goddamn trigger. But I wouldn't make some big fuss the rest of the time. I'd do what I thought was best, generally quietly and without any resentment, or if I felt resentment, I'd mostly keep it to myself or say it just once at a pivotal moment.
I'm not claiming I'm the most manly man - obviously I'm very far from that. But I am empathetic, and I can also be calmly and practically less empathetic. It's a thing I see in myself a lot, and often I feel guilty about it, but there's no need. It's natural enough, and even good and useful. I like it.
Also, I have noticed that when this shows in the way I've described above, it often seems to be attractive to women.
For example, just a random example, once in college I saw this girl I vaguely recognized fall down a few stairs, twisting her ankle. Or maybe I heard it and turned around and saw her. Immediately there were about 4 people around her trying to help, which is wonderful. I was somewhat far off - maybe 25 ft. I stood there and watched for a moment, trying to decide if I should go over. Being shy, you feel awkward about such things - self-conscious. It was a bit like one of those moments when someone drops something and it's really closer to them, so you might be hesitating over whether you really need to ingratiate yourself by diving over faster than they can bend down. It was the same kind of indecision.
While I was standing watching her - she was wincing and clearly in pain - she looked up and saw me, and there was a moment of eye contact. After another second or two I turned around and walked off. I didn't need to get in the way. There were others all around her, helping her up.
Every time we saw each other after that on campus, she smiled at me.
