I don't advise not caring what anyone thinks. It seems to be reactionary, or else the result of years of experience with people, rules unspoken and not, boundaries, rights, etc. If you don't have to care what anyone thinks because you know this is all within your rights and you can do this on autopilot - then good for you. But a child should not attempt to live on autopilot. And if your airline pilot is bragging about being on autopilot all the time, that would understandably make you nervous and perhaps want to use another airline next time.

What I do advise is self-compassion. Self-compassion means accepting how you feel and trying to understand it. Then you work with it.

This is what you want others to do for you, and if you're empathetic, this is what you want to do for others. But if you are self-compassionate, you do not need others to be doing this for you, or only very rarely. Generally you are content to understand yourself (and others) and adjust things as needed. You don't need other people to become yes-people, reinforcing all your upsets and suspicions, signing off on every emotion you feel as if it were the perfect response bar none.

Oh come on. Right? Emotions are rather primitive, at least at the core. Some are helpful. Others really aren't. Every emotion evolved for a purpose, but when they occur to us, they are imperfect approximations of that purpose and often entirely maladaptive. Adults need to learn to manage that and see there's a difference, and act accordingly, to the best of our ability.

If you are self-compassionate, you don't particularly need someone to validate your feelings. You already do that. It would be nice if they did, and if no one did, it could hurt your feelings. But you don't chastise yourself for this. It's perfectly normal. You understand and accept it. Even if it weren't perfectly normal, you would understand and accept it. And because you don't particularly need someone to validate your feelings, you don't act as if it's a crime when someone invalidates your feelings. It might be a little insensitive or rude, but so would lashing out at someone for it. And a person has the right to validate, not validate, or invalidate whatever emotion they want. They aren't at your beck and call that way. A person in a state of self-compassion doesn't even have to think this, they find it immediately and intuitively obvious. You do not need someone to approve of how you feel, and if they imply it isn't how you feel, or cannot be, that's their mistake, but not a crime.

It is, of course, far preferable if we understand each other.

But self-compassion already gives you an abundance of understanding, and you can extend that to others even when they don't extend it to you. That's a beautiful thing. Someone less self-compassionate and other-compassionate may feel this is akin to being cheated or used, but that is not so. Understanding it not a gift to others. It's first of all a gift to ourselves. Others benefit from the improved version of us in the world. But we are enriched at the source.